Displaying results for "personal"
So apparently me being gay and out and proud has caused some stirs for the Vietnamese community in Lincoln, Nebraska. Lincoln, NE was where I grew up and where my parents lived before we all moved California. And realize I haven’t lived in Nebraska for 9 years because I’ve been away for school and lived on my own.
So while I we were eating dinner, Dad said that some people who know me through Facebook and have seen photos of me and my boyfriend hugging and holding each other, have brought it up to the attention of older Vietnamese folks there. And a few days ago my dad got some phone calls where people inquired about my sexuality and asked what my Dad intends to do with it. Apparently, there aren’t many out and proud gay Vietnamese there, and for me to be so out open on Facebook is a big deal!
Even though my Dad doesn’t always support my sexuality, because he says it’s wrong according to the Church, he still supports me for who I am. I asked what he’s told people, and he said that he didn’t deny that I was gay. He said that I am who I am, and there’s nothing to change about me. He just have to live with like how I have to live with my “condition.”
He also commented that people there don’t really understand and are too curious. But I’m glad he told them what he did. Who knows, maybe it could make a difference to a young gay Vietnamese who is growing up there.
Today, I also feel like I took a small victory toward being accepted fully by my Dad. I know that one day, he’s going to think with his own mind and see that the Church is not right about gay sex/marriage. One day, he’s going to be completely happy to see me with a gay family and children! I know it.
So for those who want to know more of what my Dad thinks. He thinks that homosexuality is normal because it exists. But based on Church teachings, homosexual acts are sinful because gay sex is unnatural. So he thinks it’s fine that I’m gay, but worries that me having gay sex will lead to eternal condemnation of my soul.
I still have to convince him that gay sex like any other sex, is a mean of unifying two people who love each other. And there is so sin in that!
And that I just want to be happy too!
just right before my queue runs dry.
But the last four days were really fun. We went away to Idyllwild, a small mountain town in the Mt. Jacinto State Park area. The drive there was gorgeous and the town of Idyllwild was just so cute and cozy. We had a nice little at a cozy inn with a little fire place. It was truly nice to just get away from everything for awhile, and just spend time together. We slept in late, hiked, explored the little town, and tasted some local food.
One memorable event was while hiking back, we heard someone cried for help. We thought it was too far and couldn’t do anything about it and decided we would report it when we get back. But as we continued hiking, we got closer to the call and answered the cry for help. We ended up rescuing this old lady who got lost from walking off trail.
I just really enjoyed all the down time with him. I’m sad he’s gone now, and I look forward to seeing him again next month.
Thank you Brandon for this amazing trip.
I haven’t been dreaming for about a week since Mom’s death. Mostly, it was because I was too tired every time I go to bed. It was either busyness from planning the funeral, hosting family, or something else that drained all energy out of me by the time I closed my eyes.
How old are you and how old is ur bf? You guys r very cute together btw! :)
Thank you, I think we are cute together too. ^^ My bf is 19, and I’m 26. People can say what they want about our age difference, but I don’t really care. I used to think it mattered, but it really doesn’t, because I know we’re gonna last forever!
In the game of love, people always say, you should love less so that he loves you more. And when he does, you have him in the control of your hands. That way, you won’t be hurt in the end - because you loved less, and he loved more. That’s how you win the game!
But in my game of love, I’d rather be the loser. I want to give it my all, and love more than he could ever love me. I’d rather be in a competition of who could love more, not less. I don’t care if I end up in tears for loving more, for giving more , and for attending to his every need.
In my game of love, I win by loving more.
that in 2013, I won’t change a thing. I’ll still be me, the person I’ve always wanted myself to be. I won’t change under pressure, but be true to the visions I’ve set before me. I will continue to be headstrong, persistent and resilient through hardships. I will continue to work hard for my dreams - inching closer each day. I will cry lots, like I have, but it will only let me know I’m still in touch and alive. I will love and continue to be loving and kind to my family, my boyfriend, and all those around me. I will forgive, pray, play, and make each day count.
I will be me, the same person I was and was meant to be. In 2013 - I will be me.
I cried myself to sleep for the first time in a long while. So much was building up and I could not find any other way to release it but tears. I needed someone to physically comfort me so bad, but I was just all alone.
I wanted to scream and cry and wail, but I was too afraid of my family around me knowing. But then again, that made me want to scream even louder, so someone would take me away - to an insane asylum preferably, so I could finally have some peace and quiet. But in the end, I couldn’t do that. I have a burden to bear, and my burden alone. I couldn’t worry anyone else. I needed to be strong and carry things on so others could carry on as well.
Then I wanted to run away. I schemed to get up in the middle of the night, pack up some clothes, and just drive away. Anywhere, maybe first to the ocean to listen to the water - then anywhere away from humanity. I wanted my family to wake up to see I’m gone, on Christmas’ eve - and cry over me. But I couldn’t do that, I couldn’t give them an extra burden to carry. Then again, I wonder if I would even cause such an alarm. But fearing that they do love me, I decided to stay. They need me more than I need them.
So there I was, just crying myself to sleep at the same time trying to contain my cry as to not be discovered, I felt so lonely. I needed my boyfriend to be there, but he was hundred of miles away. At that moment, I felt an intense fear - fear of loss. I’m losing my mother now, and I fear losing others around me. I especially fear losing my boyfriend. I feel like every little thing in our long distance add to that fear. I trust him - but I’m still afraid of losing him. I feel like I have to do everything to keep him - and I want him to do the same. And we are - but it never seems enough.
Fear-Sadness-Anxiety, I cried and fell asleep unknowingly. I woke up, sadder than before - yet refreshed I have dried my tear. I wonder if there’s any left in me to continue this day; but yet I got up and did my duties; continuing to be the bearer of burdens (for everyone’s sake).
I had an alumni gathering today, and when I got home, I saw my mom on the couch breathing from her oxygen machine. Suddenly, my heart raced and I panicked to find out what was going on. She had never needed oxygen before, so to me this was a very bad sign. I was so scared. I pretty much frozed as my brother and Dad hurried about with her oxygen.
Tonight, she’s sleeping with her oxygen on for the first time. It scares me greatly because she has gotten so much weaker these recent days. They say, that when the end is near, everything is sped up. And I fear that is true.
My mom has been in hospice care since August when she decided to stop her cancer treatment (since it was showing very little effect on her). This was a devastating decision for the rest of the family, but we soon accepted it and focused on supporting her. I knew it would be hard, but seeing her in good health for the last few months had left me with a sense of false easiness. In fact, she was only doing well on the outside thanks to her multiple pain meds; but in the inside, her body has been slowly falling apart. I see it clearly now how much she has suffered. By no mean can this be easy on her, no matter show strong of a face she puts up.
I fear the end is near. I feel intense sorrow knowing this will be our last Christmas together. I feel helpless, though I have accepted what is to come. I just wish we have more time together. I know it’s too much to wish for healing. I just wish for more time.
For anyone of you out there in a similar situation, my heart goes out to you too. Slowly losing someone is the worst torture a person can experience!
My family was going to go shopping at this mall this weekend and to look at the Xmas lights and all that, but it rained a little so they decided to stay home.
Fortunately, no one was hurt in this shooting where one man shot over 50 rounds at the shopping mall. I’m so thankful no one was hurt, and that my family didn’t go there today. Who knows what could have happened or the scares/trauma my elderly parents and young nieces they would have faced.
We seriously need better gun control laws!
I’ve been having very strange dreams lately. A lot of them have to do with death, or other social relations that just don’t seem right.
I wake up super tired and stressed out from my dreams. the feelings continue with me through out the day, and sometimes it continue in my next dreams.
It’s so scary what dreams can do for us. They can be bright and happy and be the most inspiring things ever! Yet, they also touch a part of our subconscious that we would never admit to or dare to deal with in our waking days.
I feel like I’ve been trying hard to deal with my anxieties, but I guess I’m not doing a good enough job. And now my mind takes over and shows me my deepest fears, my most irrational thoughts and solutions, and broken friendships and current relationships in disarrays!
Things need to get better before I wake up crazy!
I’ve only been teaching at LASC - My Language School in Irvine, CA for two weeks, and I received an email from the managerial director yesterday saying that the president of the school wanted to meet me.
It was a surprise email, because I had just met with him last week as per regulatory that he meets with all new teachers and employees. So what business does he want with me again this week?
Well, to my surprise, he offered the position of Director of Recruitment for the Vietnamese Department. What this job entails is recruitment of Vietnamese students from Vietnam as well as in the States to come attend LASC, and also to serve as the school’s representative to these students to keep them happy and resolve any problems they may have.
Now this is a full time position with commission! I am more than thrilled to receive this opportunity. It is a bit scary, but I think I will do well. I’m also finally able to put my B.A. in Communications to work! I will continue teaching in addition to this new position, and I have a feeling that there will be a lot of growth opportunity for me at this school.
I’m gonna stay positive and keep on the good side of the president! We’re going drinking (Korean style) tomorrow after he shows around at our Rowland Heights campus, where I’ll likely be stationed. I’m not a big fan of Japanese/Korean business drinking, but if it means ensuring a future at this school, then so be it!